she looked like the bat from fern gully.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
