I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
