i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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