have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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