Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
