i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
