kristin has been a bad kristin
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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