come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
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Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize