The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
