Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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