You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
