I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
