At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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