Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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