Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
