Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
