Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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