i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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