Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
