i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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