The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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