FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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