Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
