Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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