did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
