smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
