I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
