Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
