hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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