I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
