sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I currently don't understand fingers.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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