well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
