I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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