'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
