I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
