Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
