Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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