fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This is the high leading the old right now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
