I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
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I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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