I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
