I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
