Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
