eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
