we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
