you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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