i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
