we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
