idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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