Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
