would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
