where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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