weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
