i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
