Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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