what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
her facebook's as public as her vagina
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
