I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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