Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
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I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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