its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
