That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
