In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Randomize
