i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
