i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
