Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
