I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
