My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
