so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he was CRYING into my vagina
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
