She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
