omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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