Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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