I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
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She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
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Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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