i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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