Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
