Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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