Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Randomize
