We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
