You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
