At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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