I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
