so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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