she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
