why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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