It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
