ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i've created a new STD.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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